Miss Universe National Confusion Contest!

When I first started this blog, I thought that maybe it would be a mix of stories about my life, and funny commentary on various other things (in the vein of Go Fug Yourself and Project Rungay). As it turned out, there has been very little of the latter. But I'm going to change that right now. Why? Because this is one of my favorite times of the year: the week where the pictures are released for the Miss Universe National Costume contest.

The ridiculous awesomeness of these costumes cannot be overstated. No one knows how to interpret the assignment. Here are some highlights from this year.

First there is the "screw this, I'm going full on showgirl" route:

Aruba, Bahamas

Or the showgirl's ancient predecessor, the loincloth wearing warrior princess:

Columbia

I see your golden loincloth and raise you a cow head:

Kosovo

Or you can pick a relevant topic. Like...tennis:

Belgium

I don't know if I should run in fear from this, or put in on the top of my Christmas Tree:

Kazakhstan

You can cover yourself in bizarre crap: Angola , Guam , Panama

A bunch of countries got a memo about wings: Albania, Jamaica, U.S. Virgin Islands, USA

At first glance the headdress is all you notice, but on closer examination...is that a whip she is holding? What?

Dominican Republic

A few just heard "costume" and not "national." Here we have the pirate wench of Ireland and the Ren Faire maiden of Lebanon

Oh crap. We need a national costume? Ok, stay calm. I've got an extra bikini and a whole bunch of beads:

Croatia

Neutrality or Death! Switzerland

Fills me with inexplicable sadness: Slovenia

Fills me with an inexplicable urge for wheat. Sexy, sexy wheat: Ukraine

Battling it out in the Lady Gaga Category: Turkey and Venezuela

C'mon Finland, Norway, and Singapore! You can't just buy a pretty dress! That's cheating!

See, some of the Asian countries look fierce!

Korea, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, and Thailand

And a few of the African countries look damn fine as well:

Ghana, Nigeria

Never Mind: Zambia