TIME AGAIN FOR THE MISS UNIVERSE PARADE OF RIDICULOUS NATIONAL COSTUMES
If you are new to this, let me fill you in. In a totally irrelevant and un-scored portion of the competition, each contestant is supposed to have a costume that represents their country. While there are some who strap on a version of their national folk dress (Portugal went that route this year), there is also a strong trend to just go full-on showgirl (Trinidad and Tobago presents a classic example). In the confusion over whether to go traditional or slutty/showy, it seems that everyone just decided to play it safe and pick something completely insane.
So what joys did this year hold?
Well there were plenty of showgirls with feathers. Honduras completely half-assed it but Panama showed up with so many feathers that everyone else just cowered in fear. Just look at the terror on the face of St. Lucia.
Speaking of feathers and wings, Curacao cut to the chase and went as a bird in a sequined jumpsuit. She looks depressed by her life decisions.
Venezuela was all "I like the wing idea, but can it be more lizard-y?"
"Hey guys! Remember those trapped Chilean miners? How everyone was gripped by their story of survival? Isn't it moving how I have paid tribute with my bubble skirt and thigh boots?"
There was also a strong trend of crowns (Philippines , Netherlands) and various kinds of princesses. Guam went as a mermaid princess. Lebanon and Denmark went as 5 year olds at a princess themed birthday party.
Ukraine is trying to work it, but there is something depressing about her sad little skirt of balls.
Romania came dressed as a vampire covered in toilet paper.
Tanzania wants us to know that her country is uncomfortably pointy.
Thailand has hypnotic boobs.
Turks & Caicos definitely made hers that morning.
The following countries are on notice for cheating and just wearing a dress: Finland, Croatia, and Estonia. Belgium at least kept it interesting by making it an ugly dress. Serbia wore separates.
The US has gone down this route in the past, but this time it was Canada's turn to dress up in Native American stereotypes. Look, if you want to go the historical route and your contestant is white, dress her in ridiculous white people clothes. Take a cue from France.
Like France, the US also went the ridiculous historical route. But in typical American fashion, had to incorporate more flags, more skin, and a gigantic hat. USA!
Ok, so I think what happened with Russia is that she was going to wear a bikini, but just before she was about to go on stage her grandmother rushed over and covered her in gigantic scarf.
Ok, so were there any I liked? Well, I'm not sure about that axe thing, but I think Botswana looks kind of fun. Vietnam too. But the winner has to be Egypt. Take note future contestants: the best route is to start with a historical reference, and then just think like a drag queen.
Actually, that is good advice for us all.
Dude, miss Netherlands has a boat on her head. And Tanzania looks like Xena the Unicorn Warrior Princess. But I kind of love France.
ReplyDeleteI'm only just seeing this now, but have to agree that it seems like the drag queen spirit possessed them all. Egypt looks straight out of that epic Cleopatra movie. Re: Vietnam - as a dressy, costume-y kind of thing - sure, interesting. But apart from the hat, it looked kind of confusing if national pride was what they were going after.
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